The Letter
by Hikaru lain
Summary: Clam school fanfic. Nokoru hasn't seen his mother in 10 years. Now he gets a letter saying she wants to see him. But, does he want to see her?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer:I own nothing!  
  
The Letter  
  
The letter I held in my hand made me feel sick. For the last 10 years I haven't seen, or even heard from my mother, and now she wants to see me. Since my mother left, I've stayed with my grandma and grandpa. I'm happy that way, and I don't want it to change. My grandma stood beside me smiling saying stuff like: "Oh, isn't this nice?" Well I had news for her, IS WASN'T NICE!!! I hated it. I hated the very idea of it. But despite the anger and sadness I felt, I smiled at her, less then willingly saying, "Yup! That does sound nice!"  
  
How could I do this to myself? No, the better question was, why did she do this to me? I mean, come on, she could have if I wanted to see her.  
  
I went through literally the whole day in a daze. I barely noticed when I ran right into my class secretary Takamura Suoh. "Kaichuo?!" He yelled rubbing his temples. "Would you please pay attention?" After looking at my face, he softened, "Something the matter Kaichou?"  
  
I smiled at him, actually it was more like a smirk, but that didn't stop me from saying, "Nope, nothing at all, just a little tired." Unfortunately I don't think Souh bought that, but he shrugged and walked away just the same.  
  
"helle Kaichou, Takamura-senpai!" You know, normally I liked hearing Akira's chipper, overly happy voice greet me every day, but today, good god I wanted to strangle him!  
  
Suoh shrugged at him, as if to say, "And hello to you too."  
  
I didn't bother to say anything, and just shrugged. i was actually surprised that Akira realized that something was wrong so quickly.  
  
"Something wrong?"  
  
Now I really wanted to smack him. No duh! I haven't seen my mother in 10 years. She wants to see me! While I like my life the way it is! No, of course nothings wrong! NOTHING!!! i smiled at Akira, not really wanting to, "Of course not, everything is fine...fine...just fine," My eyes lowered.  
  
Wow, that was convincing I thought, sensing Suoh's presence in front of me, "Really Kaichou?" Suoh said a little louder then a whisper, "What's wrong? You've been acting funny all day."  
  
I sighed heavily. Feeling my cheeks turn red, I pulled the letter from my chest pocket and handed it to him.  
  
Suoh hesitated, then slowly took the letter from my hand. Suoh took the one page letter from the envelope and began to read, Akira reading over his shoulder. I turned my head away from them, jabbing my tongue lightly into the inside of my cheek. Suoh handed me back the letter. I took it, wanting to shred it. With out looking up, I knew that Suoh and Akira, (go figure) didn't understand.  
  
I sighed, sadly turning to the big window, feeling like the cold rain that slowly tap tapped against the window pane. "W-when I was younger..." I began, not wanting to remember, "I was really shy...I never said anything to any one," I paused, "But that...that was okay, that was okay for me. As long as my mother was with me. S-she did everything with me. She held me when I felt sad, sang to me before bed...she'd even talk to me and tell me stories when she had other things to do. Then one day, we moved from a small house in Hardajuku to a small apartment in Tokyo. When we g-got to the apartment, my mother was in tears. She handed me to this lady I had never met, looked me in the eyes..." I paused again, feeling the tears forming in my eyes. I think Suoh and Akira realized this was hard for me, so they didn't say anything.   
  
I continued, "S-she looked in my eyes, sang me a verse from my favorite song...and...the last word she ever said to me w-was..." I took a deep breath, "Goodbye," I pressed my hand against the window, "At the time, I didn't understand, actually I'm still not sure if I do...but after about a year or two I started thinking about it..." I wiped the tears from my eyes, not wanting to go on, but knowing I had to, "I had thought, 'am I a bad kid? Did I do something wrong that mommy didn't like?'" I turned to Suoh and Akira, eyes red and puffy, "So that's when I decided I had to change! I made myself talk and be polite no matter what! I studied hard, learned Chinese characters, I even perfected walking like an adult! So that if my mother ever were to see me again...I'd...I'd be the kind of son she could be proud of!!!"  
  
The room was. Suoh was looking at me like he wanted to say something but just didn't know what. Akira looked up from his feet, cheeks tear stained, "KAICHOU!!!" He screamed, leaping over the desk and nocking me to the floor, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Akira cried, face pressed against my chest.  
  
"What's wrong?" I asked sitting up.  
  
"T-t-that was the saddest story i-I've ever heard!" He cried, taking a deep breath.  
  
I let out a small laugh, "It's OK Akira, I'm the one who should be crying..." Akira moved back a little bit, but he leaped right back on me once he saw my face again, "Hey, Akira calm down..." I whispered, "I'm gonna start crying if you don't stop..."  
  
"Would you two please cut out the mail bonding?" Akira's girlfriend asked standing next to Suoh.  
  
"U-Utako-San!" Akira cried, standing up rather shakily,   
  
"W-what brings you here Utako-San?" I asked standing as, if not more shakily then Akira.  
  
"Actually," Started Utako, "I came to inform Imonoyama Nokoru-sama that there is a phone call for him in the faculty office."  
  
"Thank you very much Utaku-San," I laughed.  
  
"I'll be right back!" Suoh grabbed my arm, "I'll go with you!" I looked over at Suoh, the minute I did, I knew I shouldn't have. i wanted to cry. He looked so worried and broken hearted. I hated that look! No, I more then hated it, I resented it! I hated it when people felt sorry for me, i really hated it!  
  
"Kaichuo?" Suoh broke my train of thought. I must have been staring at him like a lost puppy or something because now he looked even more worried then he did before, "Are you okay?" Suoh asked.  
  
"Y-yeah," I muttered, "Fine, just fine. You can come if you really want to," I stepped out of the door, Suoh right behind me. 


	2. Box cutter

Disclaimer: I don't own a damned thing. pout I wish I did though...I would have fun playing with the boys...looks around Nothing to bad though. cough cough Hehehehehe, Suoh...hehehehehehehehe  
  
A/N: Anyway there were no reviews on my last chappy!!! (Sorry Cae, you don't count, you have to like it.) I want better out of you people. You hear me?! I WANT REVIEWS! I'll write more if I get them.   
  
#music#  
  
The hallways were crammed full of students doing this, that, of the other thing. There was barely enough room to get a word in. Knowing it was bound to happen, stupid giggling girls stopped to ask, "Oh, how are you Nokoru-sama?" or, "I don't understand my math homework, will you hell me later?" I smiled and nodded at most of them, but I think they got the point and left me alone.  
  
We reached an empty hallway, the only sound was that of out footsteps, breathing, and my loud heartbeat that I was sure Suoh could hear.  
  
"S-so...' Suoh started, breaking the silence, "When did that letter say to meet you mother?" Wow, Suoh sure knew how to make me go from bad to worse.  
  
I took the letter from my pocket. It smelled like some kind of really mild perfume. Normally perfume didn't bother me, (I mean come on, almost every girl in Clamp School wore perfume), but today, it made me so sick I wanted to Puke, "Day after tomorrow, Thursday..."  
  
Suoh took the letter and looked it over, "Noki-chan?" Suoh asked.  
  
"It's a stupid nickname my mother gave me..." I took the letter back and tore it in two, "Oh well, not like it really matters," I opened the faculty office door and took the call.  
  
"Who was it?" Suoh wanted to know as we walked back, faster then before.  
  
I yawned in a rather bored way and said, "Aah, just some one from the engendering department. I don't see why they couldn't have just forwarded the call to the student council room. It would've been much easier."  
  
"They're putting a second line on that phone remember?" Suoh reminded me, opening the student council room door.  
  
I just groaned at him and went to my desk.  
  
"Why don't you go home?" Suoh suggested, "You're not being your self today."  
  
"Oh is that right?" I looked at him and he knew I was getting mad, "So I'm not me unless I'm acting perfect?! is that what you're trying to say?"  
  
Suoh looked like I had just smacked him, "N-no. I t-thats not what I meant..." Suo whispered, "It's just..."  
  
I stopped him, "No suoh, it's OK, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you, just forget I said anything," I rubbed my temples. This was stupid.  
  
"Well, why don't you go home anyway, I mean, classes are over for the day, and you don't really have anything else to do."  
  
"Because..." I leaned back in my chair, "If i go home, no one'll be there. Do you have any idea how lonely it is to come home to an empty house?" Suoh sighed. I felt bad for him, but I didn't say anything.  
  
"so what do you want to do?" Suoh asked, leaning against the wall. I shrugged, "where's Akira?"  
  
"Ijuin?" He looked around, "I dunno, you hungry?"  
  
I laughed sarcasticly, "Hardly. just wondering..."

#####################It was about eight when I got home. i didn't bother saying I was home because i didn't want to be disappointed if I found that no one was there. Taking off my shoes at the front door, I looked up to see my grandma standing there with a big rosey smile.  
  
"Hello Nokoru-chan," She said, wrapping me in her warm embrace. Normally I get out of this by going to the bathroom, or saying I had homework, but today I didn't have the energy to get away from her. Don't get me wrong, I love my grandma very much, but every time I get hugs from anyone it brings back really sad memories I want to keep locked away deep, deep, deep down in the darkness of my heart.  
  
my grandma felt my forehead, "Nokoru-chan, you're really warm. Are you running a fever?"  
  
I looked her in the eyes, smiled, and said, "Nope! I'm fine!"  
  
I went into my room saying I had homework to do. Jeez, what was today? National Nokoru telling lies day? I didn't really know if I was running a fever or not, but I did know I didn't feel well. Setting my book bag on my desk I took out my math book. Wondering why, I put it back. I had finished it in class this morning. Being a kid genius was a real pain.  
  
I needed to clear my head. Laying on my bed, I put my headphones on and turned my CD player on.  
  
#Ah. Teniame no mach de...#  
  
I turned to volume up. It wasn't like anyone could else could hear it. No matter what song I listened to, or how loud it was, I couldn't block out flashes of memories from my childhood.  
  
After what seemed like hours, I thought I heard a knock on my door, I didn't say or do anything. I wasn't in the mood to talk.  
  
"This music is gonna ruin your ears," my grandma said, calmly taking the headphones off my head, "I'm gonna turn it off, OK?" She pressed the off butten on my CD player, "Get your homework done?" I nodded at her, "You OK?" She asked, feeling my forehead again.  
  
"I'm fine, just tired. I'm gonna go to bed."  
  
She looked at me,slightly concerned, then said, "Well, OK. Change into your pajamas first."  
  
I nodded as I saw her walk out of the door. I didn't move. I didn't even sleep. I just sat there, waiting, listening to my heart beat. I heard my grandma and grandpa go to bed. But I still didn't move.  
  
I flinched slightly, for no real reason. That knocked me back to reality. I looked at the clock on my dresser. The clock read 3:27. I sat up slowly feeling my muscles loosen. I felt really stressed out. I needed to calm down. I sat on my bed and hugged my shoulders. I felt dirty. I felt guilty. But why? I felt like I had a body full of evil blood and hatred.  
  
I looked at my desk. My stare turned into a serious glare. N-no, I couldn't/ I half heartily laughed at the idea. I'm not...I'm not suicidal. Walking over to my desk I pulled out a small box cutter. It wouldn't hurt to do it once right? NO! I put the box cutter down. I can't. I can't. I stepped back from my desk. I can't! if any one were to find out...I'd...My mind suddenly started to wonder.  
  
I remembered this one time when I was in the second grade. We had this really big math test. I missed one of the questions so it took my normal score of 100% to 98%. Every one totally wigged out! My grandma and grandpa kept hugging me and asking what was wrong, and if I was happy.  
  
I looked again at the box cutter. I can't do it. I can't put my grandma and grandpa through all that again. I rubbed my temples, clearing my thoughts. I closed on my eyes and tried to sleep.  
  
I tossed and turned. I even tried counting sheep, nothing worked. I sat up and walked over to my desk. I pulled up the sleeves of the school uniform that I never changed out of, placed the box cutter to my wrist and pressed down. 


End file.
